i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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