First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
