everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
