What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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