this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
pray to the hookup gods
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
