I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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