I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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