i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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