don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
