i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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