I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
