but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
