i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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