At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
