Christians are straight up FREAKS
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
