I skipped work to stalk him.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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