There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
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