So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
