I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
