I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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