im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
