How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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