You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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