Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
