its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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