Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
