Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
