The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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