Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
