This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
