Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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