Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
