Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how can u be prego again
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
