how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
