I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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