Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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