Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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