Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
