I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
