Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
