I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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