pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
