Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
