come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
