Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
