i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
