You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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