dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My feet surprised me
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