So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
