I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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