Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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