Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
