Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
