Taylor Swift is so right about you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
