those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My vagina just recognized that song.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
