Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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