i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
