I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
