So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
